Power of Empathetic Question

  Book Title: Ask more

Book chapter: From the inside Out : Empathy Questions

Author: Frank Sesno    Reviewed by : Jason Cheng Qi Quan

        Ask questions helps us to obtain the answer and understand the situation well. There are a variety of question techniques. We must learn how to ask smart questions so that we can get satisfied and correct answers. In this chapter, I am going to share how to ask empathy questions. Why ask empathy questions? The empathy question is a question that helps us to understand people well. It can also cultivate compassion that benefits ourselves and others.  Here are the examples of empathy questions: 

            How are you today?

            Are you feeling well? 

            Do you need my help?

        

The great conversation starts with a simple question. Simple empathy questions can change other people's life. 

 

         Ask empathetic questions can help us connect with others. It can help us reinforce the relationship and enhance trust. It can apply in our career life. For instance, the nurse can ask empathy questions to understand the patient well. The nurse can provide support to them and accompany the patient go through the period of pain. The patient feels warm and listens to the nurse if the nurse shows great compassion. Empathic nurse builds trust with patients and they will recuperate faster. 

        In the office, the employer can ask empathy questions to understand team members. As we know, the office environment is stressful because we need to complete the job before the deadline. At this period, the employer can try to ask empathy questions to understand their team member. It can improve employee emotion and mental health. They will feel happier and will pay more effort into their work to achieve better results.

        Moreover, ask empathetic questions can help people in need. Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes people around us face adversity in life. They demand help from society. We can start to observe our community such as friends and family. What is the last time that you ask empathy questions towards them? How long you didn't talk with them? We must think and reflect on ourselves. If we observe our friends have encountered some problems in life, we must take a proactive approach to understand them. Engage with them by asking empathetic questions. 

        Ask empathetic question to guide them to understand themselves clearly, discover their own empathy and apply to themselves and others. We must ask the  question without judgment. Don't simply judge and insult other people's life. Be an active listener. Maintain eye contact and pay attention and listen to their story wholeheartedly. Get yourself ready because they will reply to you in different forms of emotion. Fear, sad or other negative emotion is there because they are feeling lost. After they have answered  the question, ask the question again based on the answer. this time is going deeply. Penetrate the answer slowly and insist want to discover their feelings, mindset and goals. It will encourage them to open up and reveal their own story and discover the answer themselves. The purpose of the empathy question is to explore and search for understanding. It can help people to discover the answer that they want. It helps them to access internal dialogue. The answer can help people discover their solution to solve the problem, gain happiness , new thoughts or seek their empathy to improve their life. 

         A few years ago I am glad to  become a part-time teacher at my primary school. I feel so lucky because I am being assigned as a teacher to guide the student in the Cameron highlands trip. I was so excited because this is my first time travelled to  Cameron highlands. The purpose of the activity is to let the primary school student explore the beauty of the Cameron highlands and gain some benefits knowledge outside the classroom. I can see most of the children are feeling happy to join the activities. However, I observe that one of the students has bad emotions. His name is Ker Foo. Firstly I feel nervous because I don't know how to handle the situation. It is my responsibility to help him. Therefore, I try to ask them empathy questions:

Me : How are you ? Are you not feeling well?

Foo: Yes. I am feeling uncomfortable. 

Me:  Which part of your body not feeling well?

Foo:  My leg. I feel so much pain when I walk around.

Me: Can I have a look at your leg? 

Foo: Sure!

Me: You are injured! Let me get a first aid kit to get medicated cream and help                  you alleviate the pain.

After few minutes..... 

Me: Now I apply the cream on your injured leg. Let me know when you feel pain.              Do you feel pain now? 

Foo: Not really.

Me:  How do you feel now?

 

Foo: I feel better. Now I can walk slowly without pain. Thank you very much! 

        I felt happy when I saw him able to walk slowly and enjoy the trip again. Although is a simple conversation, it can help to solve his problem. Helping people is simple. You just need to initiate the conversation with a simple empathy question. Listen to them patiently and will help them correctly.

    Empathetic questions can generate more meaningful personal conversation. It helps us connect with more people and offer our help to the people in need. Ask empathetic questions can help us reveal our kindness to people and made more friends. Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice.  I like that quote from Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon. Although the human relationship is complex, we always have the choice to be kind to others.  Ask empathetic questions can bring love to ourselves and society.