Moment of connection

Book Title: The Power of Moments

Book chapter: Connection 

Author: Chip Heath& Dan Heath   Reviewed by: Jason Cheng Qi Quan

         Everyone of us has our social circle. We connect to others through social media, working places, or events. Some of us think to mingle around to make new friends or meet a new customer. However , we feel embarrassed to talk to a stranger because sometimes we overthink how other people respond to us. The relationship can be formed easily with other people. We just need to put a little effort to understand how a good relationship is formed.

 
        Firstly, responsiveness is crucial to create a good relationship.  It means how well you response to somebody.  There are three steps to improve your responsiveness. There  are understand, validate and care. Follow the step progressively and it leads towards a strong relationship.

         We can initiate our conversation by understanding the situation. Our purpose is to understand others' problems and experiences. Imagine today you think to understand your friend more, it means you want to know their perspective or opinion right? Therefore, start the conversation to ask more about what you want to know from them. When they start to speak, listen with our hearts. Feel it.  Bear in mind that listen with heart is not an easy task because we are easily influenced by our emotions. Why? Our minds get disrupted easily from the past event. It makes us sometimes biases towards certain thoughts and difficult to accept new things or thoughts. We are stuck at the past event, Therefore, mindfulness practice can help us to control our emotions and have a better conversation with others. 

            Next step is to validate. Validate means get affirmation from others. Validation helps us to understand other needs better. As a human, miscommunication is very normal. We understand each other differently. Therefore, we should reorganize the request and confirm again with others to make sure our understanding is synchronizing with others. We make sure that we understand correctly. There is a good habit because it can avoid conflict and boost team spirit. After we understand, we can step forward and implement our actions to support it. Action can be instant. For example, today you see a young lady is carrying heavy objects.

 You approach her and ask her :
You: Hi Aunty, how can I help you?   (Understanding)                   
Lady: Can you help me to carry this luggage?
You : Is it this luggage ? (Validation)
Lady: Thank you.

Next, you can start to help the lady and now your relationship with a lady is formed. The relationship can be further enhanced to friendship, love!   
 
            Last step is caring. Caring is the most important element in the relationship. It shows our humanity. It is also the way to differentiate us and robots in this AI world. The most demanding behavior in the future workplace is care because this is only can be done by a human. Compassion is the only way to help you secure a job in the future. How to start caring?  It is very simple. Communicate to others with your heart. This requires practice. Be conscious of every conversation situation and need. Next, you provide a solution to others by showing your sincerity and confidence. You must believe yourself you can help them to meet their needs. Build trust and form a strong relationship. However, it requires time and patient to practice to become a caring person to all people in society. Why? Life always has a mixture of good people and bad people.

        When we are hurt by someone, we feel sad and look at other people based on our life experiences. Sometimes we tend to be judgmental and we believe our virtual story in mind instead of believing the current situation. Our mind is narrower when we experience an unprecedented failure. At the same point, it makes us difficult to accept ourselves.  Therefore, we must cultivate our caring habits regardless of how is the reality. Religion is also a way to remind us to become a caring person.

        Responsiveness does not lead to intimacy. If your respond with a short sentence like "ok, understand or thank you", the relationship bond will be stagnant at a certain level. How to go beyond and increase the level of relationship? Turn-taking and openness.

    Turn-taking means thoughts exchange. At the beginning of the conversation, we just ask some simple questions to understand each other. Next, we can start to "peel the banana" when are going slightly deeper into each exchange of thoughts. This can help us understand each other better. Next is openness. A good relationship is a relationship that other is vulnerable. They are willing to share more their difficulties and without hiding any their true fear and concern. As a result, it leads to an intimate relationship.

        Moment of connection does not come naturally. Acting responsiveness to others can create tighter bonds. Bond can lead us to become a better person and spread punitiveness in our life. It can create energy to increase our willpower to overcome all the challenges and lead us to a better life !